I may not be on as much. I mentioned at the start of this blog that my husband may ask me at any time to return to work. Well, I have not returned to work, but I am currently in school to get a degree in Medical Billing and Coding. It should take about a year, including an internship. This should end in a job for me. Unfortunately, the job may require me to work in an office for 6 months to a year before I am given the opportunity to work from home. I love my husband and my children, and it has always (from as far as I can remember, about 3 years old) been my dream to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I knew that I may have to return to work to help out financially, but I was really hoping I would not have to. My heart is at home, and I am praying I can give 100% to my school work. I know that most of family is thrilled with the fact that I am back in school, and I would love to make them proud. To be perfectly honest I can not help but sit here and cry at the thought of taking time away from my family and possibly working outside that home. My desire all my life is first and foremost to be in God's will, but I am not sure this is His will. I know that this is what everyone else wants. I have always heard that God's will may not always be easy, but I have heard that you will be happy if you are following it. I am sorry for such a discouraging blog entry this time. I always speak from my heart and this is where my heart is at this time.
Since this will be the first time in three years that I am not pregnant and/or nursing I am going to use it to get rid of some weight that has crept up on me these past several years. I like to blame it on the 23 pounds I gained with him, or the 16 pounds I gained with her, but I am one of those people who weighs the same they did before they were pregnant (please do not hate me) the day they leave the hospital. Although, I might add that the weight has done some shifting through the years. As you can see from the previous post I am not the 110 pound I was in high school. I, unfortunately, am not a patient person, I like to see results right away. I am going to of course start burning more calories than I take in, and make sure I am drinking plenty of water. I am going to start by doing a quick diet that I remember my parents doing often when I was a child..... The Cabbage Soup Diet. I know it sounds gross, but when I was very young I remember enjoying the soup. Basically, you eat mostly fruit and vegetables, some meat, and as much of the soup as you can stomach. It is only seven days, so hopefully I will last. I figure if I can do this tough diet for seven days I can do a moderation (everything in moderation) diet for a few months. I will let you know how it goes. I am a little concerned though, the last two time I have gone on diets and started losing weight I got pregnant, so we will see (I guess that is a good excuse not to lose weight). Oh well....
Have you ever had something hit you hard....... You know those things that just hit you like a wall and you think why am I reacting this way, why am I dwelling on this, God are you trying to teach me something, what is wrong with me. That is the way I have felt the past few days. For the past six months, I have discovered an elementary school friend died, three friends children have passed away and one grandchild, a friend of my husband's family, a father of my brother's friend, and now a high school friend's younger sister. To be perfectly honest I was not very close to any of these people, but for some reason I morn the loss like I knew some of them more personally. I believe the one who hit me the hardest was the most recent one (the sister), I used to go to their house, until her sister and I parted ways, I participated in cheerleading with this girl. She was 21, and unfortunately, everyone she has left behind is now dealing with the choices she made. Maybe somewhere in my head I think if I had stayed friend with her sister I could have made a difference. I know we can not think about the "what if"s, but i know that all I can do is pray for their family. When I say "all" I know that I serve a BIG God, and He hears my prayers, so I know that the prayers help somehow. I just find it so sad that her life was cut so short. Maybe it is just the sheer number of passings that I am struggling with, or that I am a little worried God may be preparing me for something. I just do not know...... Have you ever had something hit you hard?
Recently Caroline blogged about going "From Frumpy to Fabulous" for your husband. I realized how much my husband must love me. I would be in my pajamas all day and he would still tell me I am beautiful. I realized that despite my logic and reasoning ("Since we are not going anywhere, why get dressed; I will just have more laundry to do."), it would be nice for my husband to see his wife and children get dressed. For the past week, I have woken up and dressed myself and our children. I have done my have wavy, the way he likes it, and worn very little make-up (he likes it to look natural). Caroline also has a wonderful series on "She wears Skirts." Although, my husband does not mind if I wear pants or shorts, he told me he thinks I look pretty in skirts. this week I have worn more skirts. One bonus for all this is I actually feel better about myself, wearing skirts make me feel more feminine, and getting dressed helps with the desire to be lazy. It has been fun to try to learn more about what he likes and does not like. I am going to keep learning, everyday for the rest of our lives.